Regular readers of my blog would probably recall my annual self-imposed ritual to turn to my friend Yosvon’s photo blog and pick one of his amazing clicks based on whichever one inspires me and fits the theme of the year best. There are years where the theme comes to me when I go through his photographic marvels instead of the other way round.
I was therefore surprised as well as shocked to see there were not too many clicks in the past year. It turns out, for both of us, creativity had gone into silent mode this year for the most part.
Challenges on both a personal and professional front just about silenced my written voice. But in that silence, I saw my Amma in a new light and most of my words last year were a tumble of emotions from this discovery. I feel grateful for this, and hope to write more about Amma as I peel layer after layer of vague memories from my childhood and younger days.
Seven years on, my method remains the same. My subconscious churns away over topics and one fine day, I just feel moved to put these churning into words that weave a story. The writing takes me less than ten minutes. The churning, that’s another story!
I recognize more and more when and in what circumstances my muse shuts down and refuses to even churn out thoughts to shape into words. There was a phase I went through early on in my writing journey when I would panic if I didn’t have anything to write in a given week. Since that time, I’ve realised it is not a profession for me, but a calling and it will happen when it wants to happen. All I can do is ensure I maintain a balance in my life that enables my creativity to flourish.
And if there are times I cannot do this because of myriad reasons, then I have made my peace with that too. If life’s priorities stifle my creativity, pressurising myself to write more regularly only makes it far, far worse.
In 2016, I had no idea how much I would write or how many would resonate with my words. Every time I put my words out there, someone or the other reached out to say how much they identified with the piece. My biggest reward continues to be when something I write reminds others of a long-lost memory which leaves them with a positive aura around them.
Even though I haven’t written as much as I would have liked this year, I am surprised to see I have almost as many visitors as I had seven years ago. Another statistic that surprises me (as I did write about Appa this year as well, who has always been my number one muse) is that my top read posts are those I wrote about Amma. She has become the heroine of my blog and firmly replaced Appa from his top readership position. I couldn’t be happier!
While I stare at Yosi’s photo taken in 2018, I feel my silence depicted in that frame. I also feel my ignorance about Amma fading in the darkness of that picture and coming out into the light of awareness.
I can only hope the next years brings with it more words about Amma, and more thoughts to share with everyone.
In the meantime, I’d just like to say to everyone that takes a minute to read my words – thank you for your patience and staying by me even through the silence. I have no more words to appreciate how much that means to me.
I guess I’ll just have to write a new blog soon to prove it!
Illustration Photo Credit – Yos Photography