For the first time since I started my blog, my anniversary post is late. It has taken me a while to gather my thoughts as they are across a few countries, time zones and lives. In what is for me a change of pace, I am not beating myself up about it.
Life threw me several curveballs this year. Starting from guilt, ending in burnout a couple of months into the year, taking some time to self-reflect and own as well as breaking away from my behavioral patterns, to taking a leap of faith for what can only be described as the opportunity of a lifetime – I feel like I’ve been through a trial by fire and emerged like the legendary phoenix, renewed and filled with energy and hope for new beginnings.
It’s been seven months since my life is split across two countries and cities. One where I have lived for twenty six years of my adult life, twenty four of those with my husband and another where I’ve been pursuing my dream job, travelling back and forth and trying to find a balance through it all.
In hindsight, I feel everyone who is offered an opportunity of this nature should grab it with both hands. I always considered myself an independent woman, but having to manage by myself in a new country quickly made me realize I was dependent on many people for many things. I just never knew it.
With help from colleagues, friends, family, and an amazing coach, I discovered one step after another on what initially looked like a staircase with no stairs and no banister to hold on to for support while I paused and considered certain situations.
Little by little, step by step I navigated the simple but important differences that I had to be aware of, understand and assimilate into my new life.
Whether it was figuring out how to manage my dietary needs as a vegetarian, or how to pay for my expenses, or how online ordering worked, or how to get from point A to point B – the list of the small things to figure out in a new place is endless.
I developed a newfound understanding of how dependent we are on each other in reality. How much we rely on family, friends and colleagues for things that we don’t even realize until we are alone in a brand new country and even the simplest act of figuring out drinking water supply feels daunting.
Add to this the beginning of an education that ends in a professional degree by the end of next year, I have been pulled in different directions by different priorities like never before in my life!
I started writing this in September, right on time for my blog anniversary as I do every year. I even went through my annual ritual of combing through my friend Yosi’s magical photographs, but nothing spoke to me. Or maybe, I just wasn’t listening or tuned in.
I knew my thoughts were nearly wrapped up, but at the same time I felt I was missing something, a final thought that brought it all together. My muse has never failed me all these years so a couple of days back, I burrowed into Yos Photography once again and found the photo featured with this post. Yosi had photographed himself a few years back and captioned the photo:
“To get something you never had; you have to do something you never did”
In one line, that has absolutely been the year for me. This year has been full of “firsts”.
It has surely not been a year of ups. Life is never like that. There have been stumbling blocks along the path that have made me pause, reflect, cry, laugh, reminisce, wonder.
All I can do I realize, is live through every feeling, one day at a time.