Amma’s Angels
6th April 2026. It was the 13th day after my mother’s passing. We had finished a beautiful and soulful set of rituals to remember her by and celebrate the life she led for 86 years, caring for her family, and all who came in touch with her.
This was followed by an unconventional but apt lunch menu served to all our guests. The cook and her entire family had poured their heart and soul into the making of this lunch after hearing of the challenges we had to find South Indian cooks in the vicinity and the shortage of LPG cylinders dealing to their disappearance.
I went into my mother’s room to rest my feet for a bit and found her entire support system in conversation. The topic? Amma.
I joined them and eagerly listened to the angels that had surrounded my mother for nearly five years.
The morning and night caregivers were appointed to help amma through her day, sponging, bathing, cleaning, diaper changes, feeding, taking her for a walk and keeping her environs hygienic and germ-free so she did not contract any infections.
The nurse was appointed to administer her medications, monitor her vitals, coordinate with her doctors on any changes required in dosage, order her supplies and keep a watch on her all day for any signs of discomfort or distress.
The cleaner took care of the rest of the house and supported us with the day to day cleaning and upkeep of our home.
Vatsala, Vandana, Gauri and Ketaki.
Together, the four of them did so much more than they signed up for. They cared for her like she was their own mother. They kept her entertained all day, asked her questions about her life, recited her prayers with her, gave her hugs and kisses full of love and affection. Something even we were afraid to do as children.
As I sat there listening to their stories, laughing and crying with them in equal measure, at times even discovering a side of my Amma I wasn’t even aware of – I realized that when Amma passed away, she left behind not five but nine daughters.
They marveled at how sharp she was right until the very end. You couldn’t get away with anything where my mother was concerned. If they tried to hide something from her for her own good, it wouldn’t remain hidden for long.
They reminisced about her mindfulness towards her caregivers. Her reluctance to tax them too much, how she never took a bite of whatever was offered to her without first asking them if they ate.
How she loved her coffee piping hot and when the doctor said she had to have her coffee lukewarm because of her ulcers so as not to cause a rupture, her expression of distaste at how anyone could have coffee at that temperature!
How she grew to love Chinu, the dog next door and happily gave her belly rubs and received back Chinu’s attention in equal measure. This from someone who never let a pet come near them all their life.
The stories continued until the conversation took a turn to reality. As much as they had grown attached to my Amma, it would soon be time to look for new employment.
Before Amma came into their lives, they had seen the worst that comes with being a caregiver.
Picture this. A woman enters your house to take care of an elderly, infirm parent or grandparent. Instead of being given the respect they deserve and ensuring they are comfortable and given access to basic facilities, there are some of us who instead treat the help badly and make their stay in our homes uncomfortable and stressful.
I chose to believe this is hopefully a minority and not the majority. To add some positive energy to their job hunting efforts, I silently sent up a prayer for their future and prayed their next assignment is in a home where dignity of labour, respect and basic human values thrive.
Even if this is not the case, I pray that a simpler transactional approach may make sense – take care of the caregivers in your homes, so that they take care of your elderly with sincerity, empathy and care.
It’s really as simple as that. Until it’s not.
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