I trusted her. With my very life. And what did she do in return? She betrayed me just when I needed her the most. She left me in the lurch, with no sense of direction or purpose. She left me feeling like an abject failure. She left me feeling… oh I don’t know any more what to feel!
Our relationship started off on a shaky ground, I have to admit that. For I too, have trust issues. I don’t trust any thing or any one that easily and she was no exception. It took a lot for me to let go of my own issues, my control, my need to be on the right side of things – and just surrender to her advice. In all fairness, she couldn’t have known what a supreme effort it was for me to do that.
I tried to follow her advice for the very first time in my life last week. I was pleasantly surprised at how easygoing she was, and how she seemingly understood me and my needs so well. It almost seemed like she was steering me in the right direction, and I was going with the flow. Without question or doubt. And guess what? It worked! I finally felt free of the trust issues that plagued me since well, forever.
But this morning, she had a mind of her own. She was neither gentle nor considerate. She was ruthless. And I felt like a rudderless ship, left to fend my way in a storm on the high seas without a compass or a piece of land in sight! Why are you doing this to me, I screamed on the inside! What have I done to deserve this cavalier attitude and this complete disregard for my need to be helped?
But she was relentless and remorseless. In her disembodied queer voice she said, “Take Exit 83”. And try as I might, I couldn’t see a single board in front of me of the three possible routes I could take bearing the reassuring words “Exit 83” on it. I could only go with instinct and take the route I thought was the best.
I must have been a homing pigeon in a previous birth. Because all that route did was… take me back home. Back where I started. To my utter and complete embarrassment.
I am never trusting GPS woman again!