Bhoomija – Part 9 – Finding Herself

Author’s Note: Every one of my women with spunk stories are true stories, narrated to me by the women who went through these challenges in life, and overcame them with sheer grit and determination. Names have been changed to protect their privacy.

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By nature, Bhoomija had tended to keep her thoughts to herself all her life. She was an introvert who didn’t really talk about what was on her mind. Even during the worst times, she confided in Ram only when she couldn’t take it anymore.

Counselling brought about a change in this habit and made her more open to talking and discussing things. She had bottled up a ton of emotional baggage over the past decade. All of this came tumbling out in her counselling sessions. Little by little, almost like peeling an artichoke, layers and layers of negativity were shed in these sessions until she managed to reach the glorious essence of who she was and discovered her true passion in life.

Bhoomija says if you want to understand depression, squeeze your neck with your own hands and then try to breathe and talk at the same time. That, in a nutshell is how depression feels to her. It is one of the hardest things to explain to someone else. Once depression has settled in, even the smallest thing can be a trigger. It was like Bhoomija was constantly fighting with herself and felt suffocated. 

After several individual and joint counselling sessions, her counsellor had some sobering advice for Bhoomija. She had concluded that the biggest trigger in Bhoomija’s life that set off her depression at full blown suicidal levels was Ram himself, or more precisely the way Ram chose to always put his mother before everything and everyone without evaluating if it is the right thing to do.

Her counsellor told her she had to make a decision around this and soon. Bhoomija was told in no uncertain terms that no one could keep everyone in their life happy, above all we must be happy with ourselves and if others are not happy about that, too bad. The counsellor also told Bhoomija that the next time she went through an episode like this, it would be nearly impossible for her to come back to a near normal life and all the work they had done up until this point would be undone in seconds.

Bhoomija went back home and talked to Ram. If counselling had done anything for them, it was to open lines of communication that didn’t exist before. Ram listened like he had never listened in his life. and together, they began the uphill struggle towards normalcy.

Jointly they agreed that Bhoomija would regularly take her medications, always keep the communication channels between her and Ram open while Ram did his part to listen without judgement. They also agreed to avoid any and all triggers that could set off another attack, and this included Ram’s parents.

It was not easy by any means. Bhoomija went through several flashback episodes and mild panic attacks. It was during this time that Ram finally realised how much Bhoomija had actually gone through and that a decade of their life had been lost to completely avoidable drama. He opened up to Bhoomija on his thoughts and finally acknowledged the extent of the issue and his part in it. 

Ram’s reality check was long overdue. He accepted his incapability to stand up against his mother’s atrocities. He acknowledged that he never listened, even though the signs were always there. The hardest conclusion and oen that was most difficult for Ram to accept and come to terms with was that his mother, whom he loved unconditionally had ruined his married life for the most part of a decade.

After this conversation, Bhoomija turned a major corner. Ram finally acknowledging what Bhoomija had been through brought a sense of closure and peace to Bhoomija.

It was finally time for Ram and Bhoomija to share and enjoy a happy married life. Yet, something was missing.

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